Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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