you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
