A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
