i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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