Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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