either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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