I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
