It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
