Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
