Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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