i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
