i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize