you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
babies were throwing up all over the place
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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