I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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