What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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