is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
