Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
