the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
