You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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