I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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