She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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