Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
