I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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