he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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