And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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