She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
