i just had sex bonerless
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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