Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize