it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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