I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
