she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
