I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You are the jesus of drinking
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
