you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize