you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
