Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
