apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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