I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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