Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
