cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
