he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The uberlube is also flammable
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
