She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize