Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
