Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
