Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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