Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
