Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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