I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
