I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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