Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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