She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I didn't notice because vodka
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
