Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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