I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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