I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
