It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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