Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
