so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
