She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
