i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
