i wish there were pregnant emoticons
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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