I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
