i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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