I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So here I am, sexting at work.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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