Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
