Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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