She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
