I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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