FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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