i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
